Baby, the Stars Shine Brite
The secret life of a girl.the strange confessions and dirty little secrets of a girl.
20.10.04
I hate feeling isolated - no wait, rather I hate isolating myself. I hate it when I begin to get too comfortable with people and end up saying too much, being too honest, and sharing too much. Once again, this has been a downfall. I tell myself it's okay and it'll be fine - but it's not.
The real problem is, when I need to open up, it becomes too difficult. If I do manage it, I do it with an inapporiate smile on my face - coming off as joking, screwing around eternally, making light of issues that aren't terribly light. No, I find it difficult to say (even to the doctors) fucking help me - stop this, save me from myself - most likely because deep down I cannot allow myself to be saved.
I'm not sick enough. Moments of clarity in the maddness, however frequent, are not enough.
I'll probably die like this.
The real problem is, when I need to open up, it becomes too difficult. If I do manage it, I do it with an inapporiate smile on my face - coming off as joking, screwing around eternally, making light of issues that aren't terribly light. No, I find it difficult to say (even to the doctors) fucking help me - stop this, save me from myself - most likely because deep down I cannot allow myself to be saved.
I'm not sick enough. Moments of clarity in the maddness, however frequent, are not enough.
I'll probably die like this.
