The blaring alarm startles me out of a rather fitful sleep interrupted by my roommate's rustling and movement a mere hour earlier. It wouldn't be so bad being awakened by her vanity if she were pretty - but she's not. She doesn't excite or interest me at all. Maybe part of that has to do with her being a bitch but it really doesn't matter. I haphazardly stumble to my desk and shut off the blasting alarm in order to grab my cell phone, set an alarm for a half hour and try to sleep again - which maybe I do for an hour or so, waking up and stumbling out of bed 15 minutes before my first class.
As I make my way hurriedly to Latin - I do a mental checklist of all the things I need to do today yet: go back to dorm and brush teeth, fix hair, grab jacket it's fucking cold, physiology and theology reading; no, scratch that last one I can't show my face in theology tomorrow... oh fuck, it's midterms and today I have a history exam. Christ, why didn't I study? A weekend of doing absolutely nothing flashes before my eyes and I'm upset. I wasted a weekend and on top of all that I've academically screwed myself. Why do I have to be such a slacker - why can't I care just a little bit?
Once getting to Latin my day gets no worse, I have managed to earn, yes that's right earn, a zero on a test. Thankfully, the don doesn't call on me to translate anything because I can't translate shit. I don't know Latin, I don't study for Latin, and worst of all, I need this class AND the don's help to get my ass out of this hell hole - I need a good impression which my academics are terribly not making.
Next up on the list of things to screw me over is my history midterm. It turns out to be not as bad as I had supposed - in fact, I'm fairly sure I got all ten of the matching questions correct. The essays I may have managed to squeak a B on. I didn't use dates - that's fucked me over I know. It didn't seem to make sense to use dates however and so maybe people will understand this. I come out with a distinct sense of failure and head back to my dorm to print off my English paper basic outlines.
In English I'm just over a week behind in collecting my data for my paper. This is okay, I still have a week to write the damn thing AND the summary of my data. I have interesting quotes and it would appear that I actually did some work. I don't get to work with Chris though - so it's not a good day; no one in my group has any helpful input. I feel like a failure and worst of all, the fact that I probably did fail my midterm has begun to sink in and causes my stomach lurch every few seconds.
- Perhaps that lurch is due to the frappichino I downed in under five minutes on an empty stomach as well. Suddenly my knees get weak and the room begins to spin. I sigh softly and manage to keep the coffee down until it's convent to let it out and walk to my next class.
Unfortunately, I can't be bothered to show up, and promptly turn around and walk back to the other side of campus. I end up in the food court with Chris letting him vent. The poor guy - a girl keeps breaking his heart and then trampling on it. I feel sorry for him, but it makes me feel more than a little guilty. I've been in her shoes. Eventually he seems to feel better and goes off to prepare for his radio show. I end up calling Emily and we get lunch/dinner. On the way I run into Corey and plan another binge and purge of Chinese with her for later in the evening. I come back to my room to find no one home; finally something goes right, I can throw up in peace.
Later Corey calls and we go to Borders. I end up picking up yet another copy of Wasted, because it's triggering and comforting all at the same time. I miss my books, and I hate how my mother keeps throwing out Wasted. We end up doing a bit of coffee house hopping - from Borders to Mokabee's (where I'm sure Father B. Would have loved to know I proudly wore my SLU hoodie on National Coming Out Day) to Coffee Cartel for sweets. I buy an iced mocha and huge brownie and come home to throw up not so discretely with all my suitemates around.
I'm a stupid girl sometimes - and I even skip class to do it. I'm getting too fat for this shit - and too old to be taking ephedra and caffeine. Damn these chest pains. I wish I were more responsible; but for now, I'm going to stop eating the rest of the week.