I.
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I've left behind
High on the roof,
Thin the blood,
Another one on the waves tonight,
Comin’ in, you’re home
The photograph on the dashboard
Taken years ago
And I was remembering
And I was just in a different country
This is my life, and this is my time,
I have been given the freedom to do as I see fit.
It’s high time I razed the walls that I’ve constructed.
Every whisperOf every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
(she's comin' down on her own, now)
I'm not sure all these people understand
It's not like years ago
The fear of getting caught
But that was just a dream
That was just a dream
And wage war on myself,
It seems like it’s all for nothing
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
This is my mistake,
Let me make it good,
I raised the wall,
and I will be the one to knock it down.

II.
Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
As sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Looking so long at these pictures of you
But I never hold on to your heart
Looking so long for these words to be true
And dreamed of all the different ways
I had to make her glow
Yes I sometimes even tried to catch her
But never even caught her name

III.
One day I'll get you
And teach you how to get to purest hell
I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
I want to be someone else or I'll explode
You'd kill yourself for recognition,
kill yourself to never, ever stop
just because you feel it doesnt mean it's there.
But gravity always wins
And it wears him out, it wears him out
All your insides fall to pieces,
you just sit there wishing you could still make love
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now, when I need you
What the hell am I doing here?

IV.
I hold an image of the ashtray girl
Got a headrush, in her pocket
Two rubbers two lubes, and a silver rocket
Stuck inside the circumstances, lonely at the top.
Just 19 and dream obscene with six months off for bad behaviour
Happily bleeding.
Drunk on immorality, valium and cherry wine
Coke and ecstasy, you’re gonna blow your mind
Control your intake
Hold your breath and count to ten,
And fall apart and start again,
You’re the one who’s always choking trojans
You’re the one who’s always broken
Sleep may be the enemy
But so is another line
We’re running out of alibis
You’re goddamn immature
I didn’t mean it
You act so insecure
I didn’t mean it
I’ll be your ether you’ll breathe me in
I’m in the basement, you’re in the sky,
I’m in the basement baby, drop on by.
I’m lonely.
He spends the afternoon, between your thighs
Cause soulmates never die
I gotta breathe to stay alive,
I gotta get high, before I go outside.
Alcoholic kind of mood
Lose my clothes, lose my lube
Confused and racked with self-doubt
I fall down
Hit the ground
Make a heavy sound
No hesitation, no delay
You come on just like special k
Just like I swallowed half my stash
I never ever wanna crash
I’m weightless
I’m bare
I’m faithless
I’m scared
Beware this troubled world
Sometimes it's faded
Disintergrated
For fear of growing old.

V.
I’ll paint you the picture
’cause I don’t think you live round here no more
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don’t believe
Maybe you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway
All your dreams are made
When you’re chained to mirror with razor blade
Hold on
Don’t be scared
So don’t go away,
Say what you say,
Say that you’ll stay,
stay young and invincible
’cos we know just what we are, and
Come what may were unstopable
Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
I don’t wanna be there when your, coming down,
I don’t wanna be there when you hit the ground,
because afterall, you're my wonderwall.
Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
because maybe, you'll be the one who saves me.

VI.
I have-I've got to stop smiling it gives the wrong impression
I love you all the same
D.I.Y. destruction on chanel chic
Deny your culture of consumption
This is a culture of destruction
Pump it safer than, than a suicide note.
Show me your scars you're so aware
I'm not barbaric I just care
such beautiful dignity in self-abuse
Gravity keeps my head down
Or is it maybe shame
At being so young and being so vain
my vision's getting blurred
but I can see my ribs and I feel fine
And I can take or leave it if I please.
Drinking-Water to stay thin or is it to purify I love you all the same.

VII.
I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft reposeI will let you undress me
In a neon dayglo pink
Chiffon satin room
My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
Look in my eyes
Kiss my mouth hard
Take these stars from my crown
Let the years fall down
Lay me out in firelight
Let my skin feel the night
Fasten me to your side
Say it will be soon
My heart has four empty rooms
Three wait for lightning and one waits for you
I must have you all to myself
Feel the full weight of your skin
I'll hollow out my insides
To place you in
Rush home to your arms
You soothe my weary soul
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth

Credits:
i. REM: "Nightswimming", "Losing My Religion", "World Leader Pretend", "The One I Love"
ii. The Cure: "Friday I'm in Love", "Pictures of You", "Catch", "Just Like Heaven"
iii. Radiohead: "Creep", "Just", "Talk Show Host", "The Bends", "High and Dry", "Fake Plastic Trees"
iv. Placebo: "Special K", "English Summer Rain", "I'll Be Yours", "Commercial for Levi", "This Picture", "Special Needs", "Slackerbitch", "Peeping Tom", "Sleeping with Ghosts", "Lady of the Flowers", "Nancy Boy"
v. Oasis: "Live Forever", "Fade Away", "(What's the Story) Morning Glory", "Stop Crying Your Heart Out", "Half The World Away", "Stay Young", "Champagne Supernova", "Wonderwall"
vi. Manic Street Preachers: "4st 7lbs", "Stay Beautiful", "Methadone Pretty", "You Stole the Sun From My Heart"
vii. Jewel: "Enter from the East", "Standing Still", "Jupiter"

I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now...
I hate being alone these days. The thoughts bombard me left and right hitting my heart, my mind, crippling my libido. I feel as if I'm trapped in my own private hell and unable to get out - or pull anyone in. I miss Melissa and her knowing glace - and that goregous black hair, shapely ass and tits divine. I want her arms around me, her lips against mine and tounge in my mouth. I'd like her kissing my thighs.
I need Dave to hold me and stroke my breasts. I need him to make feel my body - and lord knows he does it best. I need him to make me feel alive and divine.
I need a phone call, an e-mail, a comment, a reply... I need a hug, a kiss, a lay, a word, a thought, a line.

I need a razor and some bandaids or some pills ... so much more than everything...