(I really wanted this to be a picture post - because I have some awesome things to take pictures of but no longer having a network that makes sense my webcam can't be let out and regardless has a cord that's no long enough to make it to my giant pile of candy in the other room since I am no longer shoving my entire life in one room.)

Just under a month ago I had one of the most surreal experiences of my life: standing on a balcony drink in hand, dancing, looking over at a jampacked dance floor and flashing lights listening to Scott Brown. Later in the chillout room taking care of a cute boy life was good - I do know better than to mix ecckies with G&Ts but couldn't resist either that night. All in all, it kept me from getting too drunk (and saying things I don't mean) or roll too hard (and saying things I do that I might not have wanted to actually say).
This was the beginning of the lost weeks in what promises to be a lost summer and I can't exactly imagine the consequences of this - it would probably mean I've got to come down sometime so I'd rather not.
Weekend A was spent with my couple in a little college town in Missouri. Now - assuredly it is NOT one of my favourite places to be however it wasn't half bad. The sex was good and well ... in this case that's all that matters. And they seem to still be on speaking terms with me which is good I suppose. Mmmm.. for sex with couples and rose oil! I feel special. I only wish I hadn't been in such a bad headspace.
Weekend B was spent ... well ... I don't remember that but I do know in between there was sex with the boy. Yes, kids I like him. I like him a lot. But no, he's a fucking idoit. This cannot go any further and despite that I like having sex with him I can't really allow myself to do that anymore. This is a sad, sad fact but like John said to be a learning experience I'll just have to suck it up and stop doing it because if I just let this keep going on nothing will change (why not I've made it comfortable for him to do it...)
Weekend C was spent alone and jellied. Not a great state of affairs ... alone, jellied, without a party, and spinning poi . Yeeeahhhhhh SLU Orgy was planned to take place. I didn't remember and by the time I did the jellies were well on their way to making sure my driving was further impaired.

Last night was tame but involved trying at least to have sex. It didn't go so well and again - I wish I weren't so depressed because then I'm sure it would have gone better. Maybe I'll try again tonight; or I'll stay home and wallow.

I am in desperate need of a run though. Not only am I getting fat there's pent up sexual energy that is making me crazy. That and I'm thinking too much.
I did apply for jobs (crappy jobs but jobs nonetheless).