It's nearly 3am and I feel like writing ... And keeping with the un-official theme of this site ... And to celebrate the fact that I am not going to be celebrating Mother's Day in a position of honor any time soon ... Let's talk about periods. More importantly - let's talk about what happens to girls.

First and foremost I have to say what I'm about to write is nothing new. It's not revolutionary - I'm about twenty years too late for this to be radical. I'm around five to ten years for it to not be repeitivie white noise that's nothing more than someone relating a very personal experience in an electronic CR (without feed back usually) forum. Except what really gets me angry, motivated, empowered because I can call it out and name it and identify it - what makes me realize I identify more like Girlies in their late 20s to 30s than I do with my peers as a junior at university is the fact that I have to name it, talk about it, say "Wait! We didn't really solve this - keep talking; it happened to me thirty to fifty years after it happened to you." It can happen to my cousin, my sister (if I had a sister), my friends ... And it shouldn't.

I matured early for reasons I'll never really understand. I was the first girl in my class (in primary school - three to four years before the dreaded junior high) to develop breasts, a waist, grow to the height of 5'3 (where I have remained ever since), get a period, get hair under my arms, and actually NEED to shave my legs. I haven't grown or changed much physically aside from dramatic weight losses and gains since I was 11 and in fifth grade. Puberty, for me, began at age eight - not without warning because at some point after I pleaded for a training bra someone handed me a book on puberty and I had been saving lunch money to buy Teen magazine since at least third grade.
I reveled in being the first, the advice giver, and the mischievous mastermind of my group of friends: which was by all accounts the more outspoken, radical, and outrageous group of girls. I was also the first to know without a doubt about sex - by fifth grade I could answer any question you might have: including if you should lose your virginity and how to masturbate. Yet - I wouldn't have my first sexual encounter until I was almost 13 and it would take some years before my virginity was eradicated in whole when it came down to getting down. I was the first to have a boyfriend - not the first to lose it. I managed for all outward appearances to keep a confidence right up until the end. I celebrated myself - my period, my hair, my hips; I really did. I have a love affair with my hips for years - even in the face my grandmother, mother and aunt's comments on my "big butt" and giving me diet advice and exercises for my "problem" area. I enjoyed the fact that I just so happened to have been born with a body that came right out of a renaissance or Victorian painting - and as I grew older and abused diet pills I would realize that I really was born with that body - it's there to the very bones.
But being the first, upon reflection, wasn't all fun and games. Now, I realize so many experiences that I celebrated weren't celebrated and I was punished for celebrating. I am still being punished. No matter how much weight I lose I will always think everyone is staring at my ass - and not necessarily in a good way even if in my opinion a well formed, rounded, firm ass is the epitomite of hot sex.

However much I celebrated and wanted to talk about my body, my feelings, my friends, their bodies, their feelings, their experiences ... Everything seemed to be met with hostility. From the fight with my parents to get them to let me shave my legs, buying my first miniskirt, doing my nails and wearing makeup - to being able to get to restroom when I needed to change my tampon at school. Once, in sixth grade when I personally think teachers should expect to deal with puberty's interruptions I had to ask to use the restroom six different times and was refused until I boldly (and irritated I might add) asked if I could go to the restroom to change my tampon. Although I think (and still think) I deserved an apology I was given a flippant "Go." I can only thank the fifth grade teacher who was genuinely concerned and happy for me who wrote out the pass for me to see the school nurse when I told her I had just got my first period in the middle of class. Now, maybe I just have high standards for these teachers because they were women - who, being naive I still believed truly would understand and be happy I could confide in them (I mean, that other girls did easily was news to me. Lord knows I wouldn't trust adults I met male and female alike and even though I am now an adult myself still can't quite bring myself to feel comfortable talking to most of them.)
However, male teachers I expected to approach the subject MUCH more delicately. Escesaplly being a teacher in a primary school in the wake of the child molester and kidnapping paranoia of the 90s.
Rather naturally I think I did simply not feel comfortable asking any teacher to use the restroom. (Still don't and never did - I think it's rude and want to know when the fuck schools became so dangerous that this practice was necessary and frankly do not think "no" is EVER an acceptable answer.) I especially did not want to ask a male teacher to use the restroom - afterall, I had already once had to admit to an adult that I wasn't exactly a child and challenge their authority on when I could use the restroom once this year. Fortunately for me, after lunch we were allowed to leisurely drift out the doors to the playground or upstairs to the classroom when it was too wet or cold to go outside. During my leisurely drift - if the need be, I'd quietly slip into the restroom to do the girl business and slip back out. I never once smoked a cigarette, gave anyone a blowjob, did any kind of drug, hurt another child, or did anything else harmful to anyone. I hated going alone so sometimes a female friend would join me (not because anyone else had theirs just for company). Occasionally we were joined by a female teacher - none of whom ever said anything - they simply smiled upon being informed that I needed to go in "that" stall (as there was only one with a feminine product trash can in the girls restroom.)
Despite however harmless I saw this activity as I was caught by a male gym teacher, who just happened to be in charge of the recess along with another male teacher. I understood his concern - especially these days - I suppose any number of unsavory things could have been going on or happened in the entire five minutes I may have spent in the rest room. Actually - I don't. I think that's all pretty much bullshit and the bottom line is they weren't and didn't. I was being a healthy, confident if somewhat shy, girl maturely dealing with what can (apparently) be a very traumatizing event.
Upon being caught with my cohort we were questioned as to what we were doing. I bravely claimed we had our periods and need to use the restroom. I thought - and still think this should have been acceptable. However we were met with a steely gaze and silence. Then slowly he said: "Both of you? At the same time?" What the hell was that?! Yes both of us. And yes, at the same time - if this guy had any sense he'd realize that hormones that regulate menstruation are something other mammals sense and if two women spend enough time together (though what exactly enough is unknown) they their cycles will synch up. But really, I just simply find this entire event traumatizing. I can't begin to describe the amount of shame, guilt, and general "icki-ness" (or as I would have put it in 6th grade grodiness). I sincerely believe this sort of thing should never happen to anyone else. I hope it doesn't - but I think it probably does: as last I checked (which is about two years ago now as my little brother recently graduated from that primary school to junior high) those PE teachers were still there.

Gay Pride Display Removed By Macy's

June 7, 2006 12:46 p.m. EST


Richard Rittierodt - All Headline News Contributor
Boston, MA (AHN) - After getting a string of complaints that a certain display was offensive, a Macy's department store removed part of a window display marking Boston's gay pride week.

Two male mannequins, with one wearing a gay pride rainbow flag around his waist, were part of the display. Right next to the mannequins was a list of the events to take place during the week.

MassResistance, which has campaigned against gay marriages and gay themed textbooks in public schools, objected to the display and had many of their supporters complain to Macy's about the display.

Elina Kazan, a Macy's spokeswoman, stated that because of the complaints, Macy's would remove the two mannequins from the display but leave the list of events up. She also stated that the mannequins were not used in previous years for the display.

Kazan says, "We believe in diversity, and our customers are very important to us. But the display did offend a few of our customers, and we had to re-examine it."

However, the move seems to not be sitting so well with the ACLU, who criticized Macy's for giving into an anti-gay group..
(http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7003837062) All Headline News

Okay - so really quickly I have to say whoever it was just on Fox news daily talk news thing has got PROBLEMS. You hear that America? Problems.
When a "news" station: or the media at all cannot offer real political criticsm and instead wants to make references to pecs/breasts on manikins that were in a store display window - I think we can stop pretending this particular source is serious at all. I'm sorry, but if your pundit just talked about breasts and made conjectures for about fifteen minutes I MUST remind you that as a woman, I have breasts and so do all males. If manikins having breasts or pectoral muscles offends you - get some therapy.
Please, don't make me vomit with your bullshit.

As a feminist I do not fully agree with nor wish to support marriage as it operates in American society (and most societies) today - however I still have to admit that there are real solid reasons for women, especially young women to marry (even at young ages).
Marriage provides a certain amount of guaranteed security for young women in worst case scenarios. Of course, I am not talking about weddings here - weddings do not necessarily come with marriage and should be considered separately. All too often in the Midwest young women, sometimes those who barely have begun to approach womanhood attach themselves to a male very seriously. Not only do girls become attached to males at young ages romantically - they begin to identify themselves as an extension of that male (usually as his girlfriend or wife with little distinction between these two in their actions). While I do not consider this a healthy practice, that it happens should not be ignored or glossed over. The failure of these relationships for the individual who has begun to do this (even at the tender age of 18 or younger) can be largely traumatic. What's more, this pattern of male-identification sets up a similar pattern of dependency for the future.
When financial sharing has occurred, a marriage (be it religious or civic) is usually in her best interest. During a divorce even without practices like alimony, finances get split pretty evenly or rather fairly. Because the United States still predominately supports sexism, many women in a relationship play the role of a wife - often long before a ring is on her finger (if there ever is one) in committed relationships. She will quit working, have children, or otherwise make herself financially dependent upon her partner (a Husband verses husband). This has been the traditional male-female relationship model, which incidentally, even a large number of same sex relationships are based upon: a dominant, provider, active role and a more passive, caretaker role. Culturally the women assume the passive role and often when breaks up occur in these un-secured relationships they are left penniless and without work experience since care work and housework are largely devalued. Like divorcees of fifty years ago these unmarried wives seem to have wasted that portion of their life. The courts today provide some (if inadequate) degree of fairness and provision for women in this situation who have entered into contracts of marriage. After all, would you buy a car without signing the contract? Essentially, engaging in these practices outside marriage does just this.
In the case of children - and although I would want to avoid marriage simply due to a pregnancy, marriage once again benefits the female. A divorce involving children can ensure that a fair (fair to both parties) child support agreement be reached - and reached QUICKLY. Without marriage, unless the father has a great desire to be a part of the child's life or offer financial support it can be difficult to get secured and leave the new mother in a sort of limbo with a baby. Also, the security of a healthy marriage with children for young women provides support dealing with a pregnancy and raising children. The stability that marriage can provide when it comes to everyday routines benefits young children tremendously in giving them a sense of security and well being. Not to mention the financial benefits of marriage when children are involved - the wage gap between the sexes, unfortunately, is growing rather than diminishing and with babies and children every penny counts - being able to have two incomes coming into one household benefits children. Also, those women (or men) who desire to have the option of staying home and caring for their children are more likely to be able to do this within marriage (despite the dangers of this practices, parents should be able to choose it if it's important to them even if just for a fraction of their children's development). This stability can be achieved without marriage however - within marriage it's much easier to achieve and ensure.
While the financial benefits are compelling, there are many advantages to making the person you currently reside with or spend the majority of your time with and share life decisions with legally tied to you. Sometimes, with parents or otherwise legal guardians/next of kin in other locations in the event of emergencies (medical or mundane) it can be difficult to get approval or support in decisions. Plus, if this is the person you have chosen to partner with - one would hope they share your values and morals or at the very least can respect and remember them. I think it's important not to ignore these aspects of the creation of family relations - and often are formed without the added protection of legal marriages.
For better, or worse most of the benefits for young women to marry are with the assumption that attitudes about "till death do us part" have changed. With the divorce rate at a staggering 60% (where it has stayed for the most part since the 1970s by the way) the legal procedure of joining both lives and finances revolve around the worst case scenario. For the most part marriage is a civic and religious institution - many Juedo-Chistian religions (which prevail in the United States) require that in order for a couple to engage in condoned sexual activity they must enter into marriage. In my humble opinion, if marriage should remain a lifetime commitment this belief poses many problems: many marriages do (and rightly should) end over sexual dissatisfaction. A way to avoid this is to accept premarital sexual expression to ensure when these commitments are made everyone knows just what they're getting. Weather one is morally okay with divorce or not does not always matter when it comes down to it - and in this situation it sometimes benefits young women to marry before they take on the role of wife (and very, very rarely is it a Wife verses a wife) in order to ensure their own well being and that of any children which could result from this relationship.