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Baby, the Stars Shine Brite

The secret life of a girl.the strange confessions and dirty little secrets of a girl.

We'll always be together
25.2.07

Getting to the Bottom of Pro-Ana 
While websites do not have the ability to screen who sees them and uses them much of the debate seems to revolve around pro-ana communities namely on LiveJournal. However, most participants in these communities tend to back away from those they know are not actually already suffering from an eating disoreder (refered to from now on as ED). Time and time again - there is a pretty elitest attitude among these communities. There is support to reduce the harm you are *already* doing to your body. Even if it is something as seemingly stupid as recommending a toothbrush on a string if you are purging with a toothbrush.
It may not be the kind of support those outside think these girls (some young men particpate, but it is mostly young women) need but that doesn’t make it not support. Support has to do with validation and recognition of an inidvidual’s personhood. Support has to do with maintaining and holding up a person, idea, or behavior - which pro-ana communities do.
Support is there in harm reduction as well as validation. Unfortuantely, a lot of girls in pro-ana communities feel like they can only control their bodies and food intake. Many are young women living at home with their parents who are unfortunately correct in assuming they can *only* control their bodies and food. The emphasis on hiding things from parents (or sometimes boyfriends) I think supports this statement. I think the real issue here is that the communities are the only place they are validated as people - even if in stupid and very dangerous ways.

Much of eating disorders are at their roots control issues. As an eating disordered person I *do* think it plays a HUGE role. More so than brain chemistry (which can be altered and the behaviours still persist), more so than a fashion industry in which a girl may or may not be interested…
But I think a root cause of eating disorders in the US (and Japan) and one which the communities address is this issue of control and oppression inherent in the ways American parents parent. Espeically true when it comes to daughters I think but more and more being the general over-protective-hyper-paranoid overbearing controling “norm” for how Americans parent. I really think as a culture we are simply loving and guiding our children to death: and pro-ana communities provide possibly the only affirmation that these girls are indeed individuals and support choices that are made: but the only actual choices are suddenly about food. he teenage years at all, and far more introspective and academic than is healthy - I do not think you can validate someone as a person if you do not *support* or at the least accept their choices: even when you know those choices to be absurd. There are “polite” ways of talking about those you love’s choices you don’t agree with - but very few families operate in this manner at all and even less operate so when the child in question is still seen as a “child.” No one, after all, can MAKE you eat. One way to combat this in culture would be to more accepting of our children's choices and less controling.
ED commitunites come into play because only if the behavoir becomes validated can one begin to make other possibly healthy choices or make choices at all. Using the choice of food individuals can learn that they CAN make choices and no one can MAKE a person do anything - including parents and boyfriends. If the person never learns how to enforce their choices - which they do in ED communities if they learn nothing else - there can’t be any hope of recovery at all.

As for the harm reduction that goes on in these communities, this aspect is important. A lot of emphasis is placed on hiding behaviors to parents as harm reduction. Even without this emphasis and these tips an ED happens to be very private in general. Most girls won't be discovered without them but they provide a safe barrier. Other consequences are generally more disaterous however such as death due to heart attacks. With little chance of discovery in general, harm reduction plays a large role in these communities for a reason. Without this kind of support many more young women would seriously harm themselves and it would result in death.

posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 2/25/2007 06:11:00 PM

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15.2.07

What Four Years at a Catholic University Has Taught Me 
As a freshman at a progressive jesuit university, I had considered returning to my Catholic roots. Let me explain, my *father's* Catholic roots, as my mother would not actually allow us to join the Catholic Church. She instead prefered an anglican-German reformed church. I did NOT have a remotely good experience with this church, but nonetheless, that's another post! So, my dad continued to desire to be Catholic and the majority of my friends growing up were Catholic, by default culturally I was Catholic. My mother's church, due to personal reasons, was somewhere I postively loathed, and I wasn't allowed to be a practicing Catholic like all my friends. With the onset of puberity and my newfound freedom with unrestricted access to the internet, at the age of 11 I began practicing paganism. However, being young and without transportation, and probably more influenced by my parents' horror than I care to admit to myself: I quit practining *any* religion of any sort (also to their hororr). Upon entering university I hoped to find a community and the obvious source was the Church. I did my research, I liked how Catholicism worked in regard to Christianity. I respect the logical, systematic approach to theology that the Catholic Church gives, in the process and ideologically it's very fair.

However, after nearly four years at this lovely university, I have given much thought to my intial longing. While I admit I do wish to have a community, one which people in the United States usually gain through religious affliation, unfortunatly it will not be the Catholic Church.
The first two years of my university life were fairly liberal in their bias and my theology classes served me well. However, being stuck in a conservative midwestern city, with a conservative archbisop it was only a matter of time before the silencing trickeled down into my university - and shown me what I consider the reality of the Chruch.
First - the Rainbow Alliance during the 2004 election was denyed the right to state our opinions about gay marriage: which we did anyway and pointed out we were NOT allowed to say this. This fall, a student memeber of our organization was harrassed by a faculty member in the student center during Coming Out Week while sitting at our table quitely handing out information. The safe-zone program with sensativity training for all student life and housing staff began when I was a freshman has never been in action; why residence life still tells incoming freshman it's there is a mystery to me.
The Cardinal Newman Society has succedded in spreading it's vial hatred and propaganada and the Vagina Monolouges was not preformed on campus this year - but it WAS preformed despite it all and I'm happy to say student activity money did indeed go to transporting students for free in vans to and from the performance. As student governement money went to pay for both a space to hold the preformance as well as transportation - and both nights sold out, a pure $7,000 was made to donate to the charities. Una, the feminist organization on campus, still faces discrimination by the university overall - as does the Rainbow Alliance.
The current Pope, while he may be a good philosopher and theologian has a stance that I cannot forgive on sexuality and Catholic tradition.
The Catholic Church itself, has been responsible for thousands of deaths of AIDS in Africa for responding to the HIV crisis with too little too late only recently making condoms "okay" for married couples with HIV to use during intercourse.
The Church oppresses people in third world countries constantly with their anti-birth control policies; large familes keep these countries in poverty but this benefits the church because it allows them control of more people.
At my university, I can count on both hands the number of female professors - and I am sure I know all but a few. This is NOT something my university feels it is necessary to change.
To top it all off, I experiences first hand the bougouris sexism and classism that is practiced by the Chruch officals and Brothers in this university and city. When I brought this problem to a factulty member I was simply told there was no problem with them: but it was my own lack of good Catholic faith that was my problem.

To top it all off - DESPITE being pro-life, this university has YET to have acutal help for students with children in the way of daycare on campus. However, they monthly organize protests outside Planned Parenthood.
Adding insult to injury here, my freshman year I was offered a pamphlet on how to avoid pregnancy - which turned out in reality to be about preventing fetal alcohol syndrome and the adivce this pamphlet gave? Of course - you're female, so you should not drink because you MAY become pregnate.

... I cannot say I would put my soul in the hands of this organization after seeing all of this - which I think is sad, because I have to admit I was almost hopeful. I do think it's rather disgraceful these days how this particular branch of the church parades piety and holiness around and cannot manage to step up to the plate within local affairs within it's own university: I guess this is why they focus so much on The School of Americas and Latin America - afterall, if you distract people they won't notice what happens here at home.

posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 2/15/2007 10:46:00 PM

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8.2.07

Anna Nicole as Cultural Icon 
Anna Nicole Smith died today at the age of 39 of mysterious causes. (for full story see article) Anna Nicole Smith was the new spokesperson for a diet pill - and I fully believe she was a long time user of this drug. That being said, I am not in any way surprised by her untimely death.****** So, instead of my regularly planned (and oh yes, dear nonexistent readers, I did plan!) posts I'm going to improvise on this... because I can always bitch about something in my life, one shouldn't let news worthy of pop cultural analysis like this pass by!

I have to say: Anna was indeed an icon. For those not familiar with her work she was probably best known as a gold digger America loves to hate. However, in reality I have to say I do NOT think she was merely a gold digger. Anna Nicole was also an accomplished model who did work for Guess, Playboy (1993 Playmate of the Year), and starred in her own reailty TV show. On top of all these things, she was also a mother: her son Daniel died last year and her daughter was born.



As anyone can see there are some interesting things about Anna from this clip.
First and foremost, she's gorgeous. I have to admit, she was beautiful. Second and importantly, she is a *real* woman. Maybe not realistic, let's face it - her boobs are completely fake but compared to today's models, it's important to recognize the healthy amount of meat on Anna's bones even at the very height of her modeling career with Guess. Anna made her struggle to reach a 90's standard of model thin (significantly larger than model standards today) no secret. Her drug and alcohol problems along with other mental issues were no secret and I think she should be admired for having the courage to speak out on these subjects. Years ago, when the beauty standard was less unattainable than today, Anna Nicole spoke out about it's outrageous standard. Perhaps in a failing of feminism, or feminist consciousness, society did not hear her. We all laughed at her. We all made her "fat ass" (which incidentally, did get MUCH bigger I admit but one can only imagine what could have become of such a lovely woman had she not depended on drugs and anorexia both of which set the body up for becoming much larger once they are ended) the butt of our jokes.
Later she was villianized for her marriage to an oil tycoon millionaire and fighting to get money after his death. I don't think she was an intelligent woman - since I realize right away if she had sold the estate he left her she could have easily made more than satisfactory amounts of money. What's truly tragic about the story of her second marriage is this: the only possible way for Anna to get out of poverty and give herself and her son a good life (which is after all the American dream) was to marry Howard J. One ought not to be appalled at the fact that she would possibly marry for money but by the fact that in some cases marrying for money is the BEST thing a person can do. Let me make that more clear: for poverty stricken WOMEN, the best and absolute most they can do is to get breast implants and dance topless in a dimly lit strip club and the MOST they can hope for is to be noticed and taken care of by a rich or well off man. Possibly, one day to marry a man with a mountain of money. This becomes the only way they'll ever be living a middle-class lifestyle. That's the tragedy - that and the name calling over it later.

Anna Nicole may have been born white trash - but she made sure her son was not raised to be and her daughter was not born to such a life; in fact, maybe there is a happy ending in that maybe by the time Anna's daughter reaches her 30's she won't have to take her clothes off for money: maybe NO women in America will. Maybe while we're at is she won't die a mysterious death at 30-something from years of substance abuse in the name of beauty.

****** DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with Trimspa, nor do I mean to implicate Trimspa in her death. The actual effects of use of this drug remain unknown to me: however throughout her career Anna Nicole Smith used many substances, not the least of which cocaine, to control her weight: Trimspa being just one in a long list of substances. My point was simply that I truly believe her long history of diet pill, cocaine, and amphetamine use LARGELY contributed to her early death - but not necessarily Trimspa.

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posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 2/08/2007 08:13:00 PM

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"Father Forgive Me" (later renamed "Baby, the Stars Shine Brite") was started in the hope that a confessional blog would be entertaining reading as well as intellectual. After being neglected for some years is now, rather anonymously written in the hopes of hashing out thoughts in a somewhat intelligent manner. Aside from the writer of this blog, I am a university student majoring in Women's Studies and minoring in English at a prominent Catholic university in Middle America. A dedicated liberal - I also throw and participate fully in raves and rave culture from DJing, to lights and sound crew, to doing homework in legal libraries I'll be there - in true Riot Grrrl style: usually a miniskirt, combat boots, and wildly dyed hair. Aside from considering law school and entering politics I hope to start an organization wherever I end up providing a safe place for teenage girls (and boys) and helping their voices be heard as well as providing information on sex, condoms, and anything under the sun that kids may need. I am currently engaged to a wonderful man and hope to be married sometime around November of 2008.
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  • I have a million things to do before spring break ...
  • Getting to the Bottom of Pro-Ana
  • What Four Years at a Catholic University Has Taugh...
  • Anna Nicole as Cultural Icon
  • Psycho Therapy, Psycho Therapy!
  • End Of Year Survey 2006
  • All I Want For Christmas is some establishments to...
  • What? You Mean Miss USA Should Be Punished for Ac...
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