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Baby, the Stars Shine Brite

The secret life of a girl.the strange confessions and dirty little secrets of a girl.

We'll always be together
29.12.06

End Of Year Survey 2006 
End Of Year Survey
(I will quit posting these surveys soon, I promise, but I actually really like this one and find it helpful and interesting.)

1.) Where did you ring in 2006?
North County hosting a kandi making hotel party with J and some friends.

2.) Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember them so I probably didn't keep them; but I do think I'll make some for 2007.


3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Totally Spring and Fall semesters halfway through my degree. And I changed my major (again).

4.) How did you earn your keep?
Worked like a Hebrew slave child for BJC in medical records, was super cute, worked the desk at Marguerite under the evil and privacy invading Residence Life, and as an a museum monitor.

5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital?
I did not *go* to the hospital, but there was an incident where I really probably should have.

6.) Did you have an encounter with the police?
No - J got rid of the piece of tin car.

7.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Bored kandi kid couple at Dr. Kandee's rave with no headliner - so all dressed up and nowhere to go!


8.) Where did you go on vacation?
The Cave - Back 2 the Phreak where J proposed. Minneapolis for E3 for a mini-vacation as well.

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
Not this year but J and I got engaged.

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Not that I know of but there were a few close calls!

11.) Any new additions to your family?
Well, J and the in-laws; Foster has become a large part of the newly formed J-Mel family.

12.) Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister in law had a baby boy 7 weeks preemie on Christmas Eve.


13.) Have you ran into anybody you graduated high school with?
Some people yeah, it's St. Louis after all ...

14.) Did you move anywhere?
To my new apartment near school.

15.) What sporting events did you go to?
None that I know of; I did watch the World Cup on TV a few times and I watched the Cardinals win the world series on TV.

16.) What concerts did you go to?
Well there are the raves, and then Pointfest, Rob Zombie, Shinedown, and Godsmack; Placebo, The Tossers, and some others I can't think of right now.

17.) Did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 7?
Totally Claire McKasil!

18.) Where do you live now?
St. Louis

19.) Describe your birthday:
I turned 21; on a Monday.

20.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2006?
Actually get my parents to accept that I am actually getting married - so we better start planning that wedding. Get more money out of them (in hopes that I won't just tell them to fuck off and get married and move away.)

21.) What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Get engaged with a ring actually, tell the parentals I was engaged, plan a wedding, have a boss that I actually can't stand/really shitty job; Started The Abortion Fund for Missouri.

22.) What is one thing you regretted this year?
A certain few poor choices in friends, and my choice in college.

23.) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Doing all the coursework required for my actual degree (so almost finishing college), being on the Dean's List.

24.) What was your biggest failure?
Gaining weight (and a lot of it), certain friendships.

25.) What's something you learned about yourself?
I am actually too smart for somethings and too good for some people.

26.) What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A degree!!! Security, a good job that I don't positively loathe, more money, a smaller body, some more girl friends that I actually have something in common with and can trust, a purpose or mission or calling or whatever.

27.) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Traveling, seeing some friends, going out and having a good time, raving.

28.) What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying, crying, placating, wasting time.

29.) What was your best month?
Aside from the horrible heat maybe July; but aside from getting engaged it sucked; so other than that October.

30.) What from pop culture will you remember 2006 by?
The fur boots craze? The ravertastic-ness of fashion... how about that Calvin Kline hot pink velour phat pants in the fall collection huh? And what about Heatherette! OMG I ♥ Richie Rich. The comeback of big people Care Bears... that crazy Britney Spears giving birth statue, the Christina Augleria album that did not necessarily suck, the Pussycat Dolls take on Snoop Dog ... I watched a lot of E! and Style network.
Tomkat and Bradgeliana: Angeline tried to adopt all the world's babies in a feat of neocolonialism, Nicole Kidman, one of my favourite sources of thinspiration in the past, wears a baby bump, Madonna loses her damn mind and steals a baby ... the rise in neo-colonialism by the whole adopt a baby from another country like there aren't a lot of American babies.

31.) What song will always remind you of 2006?
Probably something by Fergie like "Fergalicious" or that damn "London Bridge" song.

32.) What was the best thing you bought?
The furry boots, Unamerican's sticker book, my lite-brite table (well I made it but...), Knitting needles and awesome yarn for making cool shit, Debbie Stroller's Stitch 'N' Bitch.

34.) What date(s) from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 1, when J proposed at the cave right at the beginning of Spree's set.
May 10, the little yay-it's summer- party.
Not a date but: Elem3ntal.
October 28th: Kickback III.
Sept 27th: I turned 21.

35.) Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? About the same.
ii. thinner or fatter? I think about the same
iii. richer or poorer? Probably poorer

36.) How did you spend Christmas?
With J here at home in the morning and with my mom's family; ended the day by going to a friend's Christmas party at her mom's house and seeing friends.

37.) Did you fall in love in 2006?
Yes - again and again.

38.) How many one-night stands?
None but I certainly wouldn't have minded one!

39.) What was your favorite TV program?
Re-runs of Dead Like Me, Flavor of Love, America's Next Top Model.

40.) Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My bosses but other than that it's just the usual suspects, maybe a certain few people.

41.) What was the best book you read?
Precarious Life; Judith Butler


42.) What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I bought one album that came out in 2006 - but I discovered The Tossers. :)

43.) What did you want and get?
An engagement ring - that was both gorgeous and impressive and NOT a diamond. A Hello Kitty ipod dock clock thingie. The lite brite table.

44.) What did you want and not get?
More money, stability, to actually live with J, my fuckin' money back for housing Fall 05, Spring 06 semesters.

45.) What was your favorite film of this year?
I wasn't really impressed with any but the prettiest was probably The Black Dahlia

46.) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More RaVeS.... more happy hardcore, huge kandi kid filled parties.

47.) How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Lazy student, kandi kid, and quasi adult

48.) What political issue stirred you the most?
The abortion ban in North Dakota, the gag laws in Missouri that went into affect in regards to abortion, stem cell research, elections... (woot for the Dems!)

49.) Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
50.) How would you rate this year on a scale from 1 (shitty) to 10 (absolutely amazing)?
I'll give it a 7 or 6: when it sucked it really sucked but the highs were pretty high.


posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 12/29/2006 02:43:00 PM

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24.12.06

All I Want For Christmas is some establishments to be open 
So for lack of anything else to amuse me - I have the Internet. The boy and I have already exchanged and opened gifts: mine being a Hello Kitty waffle maker but no waffle mix and nothing in the house even close... so no playing there. And he got clothes and candy flavored lip balm.
Now I have a serious hot fudge brownie and chocolate craving ... and if I don't get to Denny's or something soon I'm gonna break down and eat my mom's present of chocolate lava cakes, chocolate truffles, or creme brulee. It ALL sounds good.

So for lack of anything else to do... we are here getting drunk; on rum and diet coke cause that's all we got and I am doing another music blog. Not even an original blog either: a meme blog!

My Life Soundtrack
Directions:
If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be? So, here's how it works:
1. Open your music library (iTunes, WMP, Musicmatch, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
7. Don't skip songs.


Opening Credits: "Cartoon Heroes" Aqua

Waking Up: "You Stole The Sun From My Heart" Manic Street Preachers

First Day Of School: "Wandering Star" Portishead

Falling In Love: "Mental" Eels

Fight Song: "3 am" Matchbox 20

Breaking Up: "I'm So Sorry" The Smiths

Prom: "None of That" Looper

Happiness: "Make Your Own Kind Of Music" Happy hardcore track

Life (So Normal?): "Time After Time" Me First and the Gimme Gimmes

Driving: "Sexy Boy" Air

Mental Breakdown: "Lover I Don't Have To Love" Bright Eyes

Flashback: "Tonight I'll Take What I Can Get" (acoustic) Dashboard Confessional

Getting Back Together: "Sexy Eyes" Happy hardcore remix.
Cause you know, you have to get back together with your ex at a rave.... and to some good old happy hardcore.

Wedding: "I'll Fly With You" GiGi D'Agostino
Italian disco! but it works, the boy and I had talked about putting it in the mix to play during our ceremony.

Birth Of A Child: "Star Child" Dune
(more hardcore techno... but strangely fitting I guess...)

Final Battle: "Wild" Poe

Death Scene: "Goodbye To The Circus" Aqua
Super strangely fitting!

Funeral Song: "Black-Eyed" Placebo
I can totally see that.

End Credits: "One Of Us Is Gonna Die Young" The Ark
Weirdly it works, especially with the strangeness

posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 12/24/2006 11:22:00 PM

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21.12.06

What? You Mean Miss USA Should Be Punished for Acting Like A Sex Object? 
I know I'm a little late on this, but I've been busy: WHO CARES if Miss USA, Miss Neveda, or Miss Teen USA are out there being young, attractive women! I mean, be realistic, isn't this *exactly* what we expect and encourage.
First things first: why is it a huge scandal that Miss USA, a very attractive but also unusually thin woman uses cocaine. Wake up America! It takes desperate measures to be that thin, especially if you want to go out drinking every night. I'm not saying this is acceptable, but I seriously think the public should shut the hell up - afterall, it's none of their business. If anyone has any right to be upset over it it's her family and friends who should be concerned for her health: the effects of cocaine combined with a poor diet are lethal. (I am not insinuating Miss USA has a poor diet, but I just want to make the point there are bigger issues with cocaine use than if it looks good for the kiddies.)
Secondly, heaven forbid an attaractive young woman who has just turned 21 go out and do what every newly 21 and 20 year old does! As much as I hate Girls Gone Wild and Spring Break specials, let's face, this is the youth of America; Miss USA and Miss Teen USA included. Give girls an apartment in the city, money, and teach them they are their body and that their body is something to be seen and consumed and what do you expect to happen?

Third, excuse me but aren't beauty pagents just a little bit, if not every bit, about sexually objectifying the female body. Let's be honest here, that's what it is. So why would anyone be suprised or upset if say Miss Neveada is photographed being sexual and exhibitionist. Afterall, obviously it's something that's encouraged - she does or is presumably okay with, walking around onstage in a bikini what is the difference if she's at a party posing with her pants down or shirt off?! I do NOT see a difference here really except that maybe, just maybe, the posing at a party is more accepatble; these are descions she makes and isn't necessarily part of a huge money making scheme in which she sees no money. Why is the image of a young woman doing what society tells her and having a good time so fucking offensive she should lose her title?
Let's face it - if beauty queens are our children's role models we're in trouble because we treat them like prostitutes. They're basicaly doing what a stripper does but keeping some clothes on. We'd stuff dollar bills in their outfits if we were more honest.
Don't get me wrong here I don't have a problem with beauty pagents actually - but I have a problem with people not reconginzing what they actually are. I have a problem with people punishing these young women for doing EXACTLY what they got praise for and trained for in the first place. Not to mention this is an adult industry so why anyone thinks it should be "child friendly" whatever that means escapes me. Afterall I'm not going to take a kid into a strip club and be offended by sexuality why should it be different for beauty queens who have photographers and followers invading their personal life.
Not to mention, only some forms of sexuality are acceptable apparently according to those who are criticizing these young women. Some of the most objectional photos apparnetly are Miss Neveda kissing other young women and Miss USA and Miss Teen USA sharing a kiss. So not only do these women have to be exploited but their sexuality is also policed by their "fans" or advoisrs: and they are only to be exploited by and enjoy hetereosexulity. Now, I'm not saying any of these young women are lesbians but what if they had been? What if instead of a kiss for your red blooded American male viewing pleasure these were genuinine expressions of love? Would it still be just as big of a deal, I bet it would! But for the record I think it's super shamefully hypocritical to criticize these young women for being sexual in any form: their jobs are sexual, and they should be able to entirely own and enjoy their sexuality (and have as many one night stands as they like included) just like the rest of us girls - afterall, most college girls, even the most straight laced have had at least one wild night.

The last thing on this issue: MADD stands for Mothers Against Drunk Driving, an admirable cause - even if perhaps made up of overwrought women. Since when does this extend to against drinking all together? I am noticing a huge prohibition, temperance movement in the media and I think it's downright deadly folks. MADD should be agianst drunk driving, drinking drunk is wholey irresponsbile and all around a bad idea. Drinking in general should NOT be demonized and neither should underage drinking. While I think binge drinking is a huge problem for American youth, I do not think to proclaim teens should not drink is a solution and I think America needs to take a long hard look at how substances are used and abused and stop trying to put a bandaid over a gaping wound of irresponsbility and a culture that is too focused on punishement rather than real change and reform. Needless to say, these girls from what I have seen did not drive drunk and should not in my opinon adhere to sobriety like an AA memeber in order to represent MADD and send a message of drinking responsbily; furthermore if their spokesperson does I can only see the eye-rolling and all around tuning out of the messages that come out of their mouthes by those the message needs to reach most: teenagers.

Please America - get some goddamn sense. I'm sorry but this is outragous and I really don't understand why this makes it to headline news; but the fact that it does disturbs me. Leave these young women alone, they aren't doing anything wrong. How's that war in Iraq?

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posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 12/21/2006 09:37:00 PM

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20.12.06

No, I don't believe in the wasting of time; but I don't believe I'm wasting mine. 
I just deleted an old weblog account - I hadn't used it in ages and I never had used it for creative purposes - just on a whim created it. However, it ended up playing a larger role IRL and online than I had imagined, not necessarily all for the better.
It's werid how some people create boundaries in their heads about private, public and don't notice the internet is not somewhere in between but decidedly public. Online may be online, but online comes into IRL too when you invite it and is full of real people in real time.
I always seem to be fluidly going from IRL to online, vice versa. I can say it here, AND say it in a classroom or pub. (Of course, usually much less eloquently or clearly, writing does actually help with that!) There isn't much of a change for me. I realize the internet is public and if it's something I wouldn't broach in public, I don't put it out here. I don't put it out in a chat somewhere, I don't post it on a message board, and I don't post it in a blog. Peroid. Even if I would rather not certain people read it, that doesn't mean I am talking to no one. This is not, despite low comments, a void space.
This is a public space.

So I deleted the account and it was a nice sense of closure. I wish I'd done it sooner, but really I honestly can say it didn't occur to me. I just walked away and didn't look back until a month or so ago when I was looking for something that I may have stored there.

Likewise, tragicpixie.com has too been deleted and that project has gone on a perment hitaus. I don't have the time and I'm not exactly sure if I have the interest. I really don't have the time to commit to blogging that I'd like, but next year I can hopefully be more balanced and disicplined when it comes to personal and creative writing. In good news, with the absence of LJ I have begun writing in all the pretty journals I put aside for a few years.
It's so werid reading the sperdic entries in my paper journals: the last time I picked up a diary I was traveling to the UK, had gone to my first Hulla, quit raving regularly, and was planning on marrying someone who probably didn't really understand me at all.
Now I'm engaged to someone I love very much and who gets me very well, have a truely open realtionship, rave regularly (or as much as we can), can't wait to get out of the country again - but may take summer courses, have decided I don't want children, and am over halfway finished with a degree.
So it goes.

posted by Tragic the Pixie @ 12/20/2006 09:09:00 PM

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"Father Forgive Me" (later renamed "Baby, the Stars Shine Brite") was started in the hope that a confessional blog would be entertaining reading as well as intellectual. After being neglected for some years is now, rather anonymously written in the hopes of hashing out thoughts in a somewhat intelligent manner. Aside from the writer of this blog, I am a university student majoring in Women's Studies and minoring in English at a prominent Catholic university in Middle America. A dedicated liberal - I also throw and participate fully in raves and rave culture from DJing, to lights and sound crew, to doing homework in legal libraries I'll be there - in true Riot Grrrl style: usually a miniskirt, combat boots, and wildly dyed hair. Aside from considering law school and entering politics I hope to start an organization wherever I end up providing a safe place for teenage girls (and boys) and helping their voices be heard as well as providing information on sex, condoms, and anything under the sun that kids may need. I am currently engaged to a wonderful man and hope to be married sometime around November of 2008.
Together in electric dreams
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Music: The Valley of the Shadow of Death: The Tossers
Film: Pan's Labyrinth
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  • End Of Year Survey 2006
  • All I Want For Christmas is some establishments to...
  • What? You Mean Miss USA Should Be Punished for Ac...
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